It was quiet, save for the occasional rustling of leaves as the wind blew through the clearing. The last rays of autumn light trickled through the canopy, illuminating small drops of morning dew and reflecting prettily to make them glisten against the cold stone they rested on. Light frost spreading across the soil signaled the coming of winter.
Diana looked up with a small smile on her lips as familiar footsteps approached, loneliness dissipating like the fog around her. It had been a while—a year, to be exact—since Brennan had visited her here, at their special place.
She took in his appearance with a swell of concern—his hair had grown unkempt, his slim frame had become even thinner, and his face was rugged. He seemed disheveled—shriveled, even. Diana didn’t like how familiar the sight was becoming with each visit. She didn’t like how this image was beginning to erase the man she knew him to be. Her lips pursed, but she shoved her musings aside. Maybe this time would be different.
Brennan sat down quietly before revealing a pretty bouquet of flowers. Their fragrance was probably as sweet as their appearance, so it was a shame she could no longer smell it. Diana would’ve preferred the man’s distinct scent though: an earthy aroma, with the occasional whiff of ocean salt, almost like a forest near the shore. It was partially why she adored this place. It reminded her of him, calming her just like his presence always had.
She stepped closer, crossing her legs as she sat down. Her fingers ghosted over the petals of the flowers he held. There was a great variety, among which she spotted lilies, carnations, hyacinths, and chrysanthemums. It was exactly the kind of thing she would’ve liked, so it was a shame she couldn’t appreciate it to the fullest.
It reminded Diana of the days when the young man in front of her was simply a bold little boy. She remembered the way his face was streaked with dirt as he presented her flowers plucked straight from the fields near their village with a wide grin on his face. The nostalgia made her heart ache, the sting reaching her eyes for a moment. She promptly willed the tears away, steeling herself. She needn’t become so emotional just yet. But if this visit went as the others had, she didn’t know if she could bear it.
“Diana,” Brennan finally spoke, placing the bouquet down in front of her. The young man’s gaze remained downcast as he continued with a rueful smile. “I got these for you. You’ve always loved pretty things, haven’t you? So I thought you might like these…”
“I do,” she whispered. “They’re lovely.”
There was a short silence before he finally lifted his gaze, smile nearly faded. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, you fool,” Diana laughed, a fond and gentle sound, as she pulled her knees to her chest and rested her head in her arms. Across from her, Brennan began to fidget with his fingers.
A smile tugged at her lips. That had always been a habit of his; despite the changes in his appearance, his nervous expression had remained the same.
“It seems that not much has changed,” she observed. For better or worse, Diana had yet to decide.
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t visit you sooner. Or more often.”
“No need for apologies. I’ve told you every year, haven’t I? You visiting me at all is enough to make me happy. Don’t fault yourself for it,” she reassured. “Besides, I don’t often get visitors. I really have no one to blame for choosing a place like this.”
“I remember when you said that this was the only place you would accept. It was a surprise to everyone,” he chuckled. “I can imagine what they were thinking. ‘That Diana? In a place so far and quiet? A place so lonely?’ It doesn’t suit you at all.”
He paused before his fidgeting focused on the simple band around his finger.
“Everyone still loves you. The children we used to look after, Eleanor and James, helped me pick these flowers today. They said that you deserve only the best. Lydia and James got married despite always being at each other’s throats as children, and Thomas took up his father’s job as a stonemason. Hard to believe when he was so scrawny when you last saw him, isn’t it? Charles and Edith even had their first son. They wish you were still around. You would’ve been the perfect godmother.
“And the baker down the street, the one who makes your favorite pastries, told me to send everyone’s best wishes. They want you to know that they hope you’re at peace here,” he trailed. “Sometimes, I wonder why you had to choose this place. I forget, at times. I forget you’re not even in the village anymore. Pathetic, right? So why… why did you have to choose the forest?”
“Isn’t it obvious? Because it’s special.” Then she murmurs, “Besides, it doesn’t do you much good to hang around me too often now.”
“When I think about it, I realize what a fool I’m being. You’ve always been so sentimental,” he said, and it was bitter enough for her to almost taste. “I should feel lucky that those memories were so precious to you.”
Diana shook her head. “Of course they were. I made them with you.”
“This is where we first met, isn’t it? Do you remember?” “Ah, we were so young.”
“I made a fool of myself, running into you like I did.” Brennan flashed a lopsided grin, though it was weak. She thought of the days when the sun seemed to shine through his expression. That light wasn’t present now. Diana swallowed, mustering a light-hearted smile.
“Your face was so red when you ran into me. I started crying, didn’t I? But your attempts to cheer me up were so precious!” she laughed.
“You were wailing so hard that I couldn’t believe that you were willing to play with me so soon after,” he said.
She remembered how her tiny, seven-year-old self had gotten lost in the forest, only to feel a weight slam into her body. The boy who had run into her had fallen flat on the ground, frozen and gaping like a shocked deer when she began to cry despite being the one left standing. He’d scrambled up and clumsily wiped at her cheeks while asking her to stop crying. She remembered how he looked so out of his depth that it had made her giggle, no longer feeling the need for tears.
“And for someone so prone to getting lost, hide-and-seek was an odd favorite of yours. You never really grew out of it either. You always managed to get the better of me, scaring me senseless.”
She remembered how even when they had grown older, she would hide among the trees for hours, watching the boy circle around until he unknowingly found his way to her spot. She would laugh as she leapt onto his back and made him unleash the most unholy of shrieks.
“I just wish that you didn’t have to take hiding so seriously this time.”
She said nothing. The silence stretched uncomfortably as she waited for him to continue.
“Do you know what I remember best, though? Despite everything, I always thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever met.” Brennan sighed. It sounded far too aged for a man as young as himself. “I still do.”
Diana’s lips trembled as he continued on.
“We had our first kiss here. I was so nervous that I nearly slammed our faces together,” he muttered, giving a short laugh as he curled into himself. “And later, you insisted that we couldn’t be married anywhere but here. I even had to hold your head in place at our wedding because you were trying to recreate our first kiss. Only a bride like you would try to bruise her forehead on her wedding day. Honestly, I shouldn’t have been surprised that you chose this place.”
“You really shouldn’t have been.”
There was a pause. “Do you remember our wedding vows?” Brennan asked quietly, voice now reduced to a whisper. Years ago, his voice wouldn’t have known anything but brightness.
Diana hesitated, words stuck on her tongue.
“... Of course I remember.”
“You promised that you would never stop loving me no matter where we were, together or apart. I promised that I would take care of you for as long as we lived, and that I would always love you.”
And gods, he was crying now, rivulets of water streaming down his cheeks and wetting the cold dirt, a few stray droplets falling onto the petals of the flowers he had gifted her.
“Brennan, I… I’ll never stop loving you, no matter where you are. I mean it. I really do.” Diana began to feel the ache she’d buried deep within her chest flare with pain again. She needed to put an end to this. “But I think you should stop doing this.”
“Why? Why did it end up like this?” he begged.
“You can’t keep doing this, Brennan. You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” She yelled desperately. She screamed as if it could change something, as if it would make her loud enough to be heard. “Stop thinking about me. Stop loving me. I don’t want to continue being the reason you stop living! Look at you! I’m not worth this—I’m not worth wasting your life!”
“I just wanted to be with you. We didn’t have enough time, so why did you leave me? It’s been ten years! I just want you to come back.”
“I didn’t want to go!” Diana sobbed. “I didn’t want to leave you, but I had no choice! I was too sick to stay!”
He didn’t hear her. Her hands reached out to grip his shoulders, to shake some sense into him, and stopped short as she remembered why she couldn’t hold the bouquet on the floor and why his eyes had never met hers this entire time. She choked on a bitter sob.
“I just want to see you again,” Brennan pleaded brokenly. “I just want to see you, even if I can’t hold you in my arms. Just one more time, that’s all I’m asking for.”
His tears were still falling, mixing with the morning dew that spotted the grave in front of him. They slid down, turning pearly with frost as they glided over the name engraved within the cold stone.
“Please, Brennan,” Diana said, despite knowing how hopeless her pleas were. Her tears went unseen and her voice unheard, yet she couldn’t help but wish. “You’ve always understood what I wanted best, haven’t you? So please, stop this. I’ll always love you, but I want you to move on. I want you to love someone who is alive.”
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